Thursday, September 06, 2007

Shedding Some Skin

I started my biggest Spring clean(se) ever and it felt GOOD. Liberating even.

I have been a little all over the place since returning from Japan. I had initially planned on spending 12 months over there but ended up spending 4, which felt like 12. I've felt a little detached at times, kind of like I am not really meant to be here because I had planned to be over there - however, I am truly glad to be back, despite not having felt settled yet.

I picked up the last of my things from my parents house on Tuesday evening. I had forgotten just how much 'stuff' I had accumulated over the years and just how much I was still holding onto, much of it unnecessarily so.

On Wednesday I decided it was time to let go of a lot of a lot of those things. I think I had taken for granted that I could use part of their house as a storage facility for my 'stuff' as well as an occasional haven, despite always appreciating it as a kind of 'home'. C reminded me, on the same day, that home is where the heart is and I believe my heart is in a good place.

I have always prided myself on not being a very materialistic person, with a real 'need' or desire for only my art, books and music. I try to travel light and each time I move, I downsize. I have memories that I will always hold onto but I have no real need for a lot of material things or much of the 'stuff' that was being stored under the stairs - they can weigh one down. And I must say, since beginning my clean(se) I do feel lighter and happier...even more in control.

It really did amaze me just how much I had been holding onto and watching the fire in the back yard engulf items no longer needed was a fulfilling spectacle...boxes and boxes of stuff turned into ashes. Watching the fire was actually quite mesmerising and I became more and more frivolous with what I threw into it, and with the frivolity came a greater sense of independence, which is perhaps something i have lacked of late. Perhaps I have been asleep in my waking life for too long.

I feel like my 'artistic block', (pardon the expression), of late is only an extension of a deeper blockage within me and I feel this Spring cleanse is the start of unblocking more than just my creativity.

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