I despise this feeling of complete vulnerability.
At this very moment I feel like a shadow of my former self, and that former self was right here only 48 hours ago. Now I feel she is staring at me through the rear view mirror, wondering what the hell happened.
Dramatic words, perhaps, but I have been emotionally effected in a way I have never been before.
The sun is out today, yet I feel too anxious to venture on to the roof top. I have no desire to step outside and I am searching high and low for the desire to paint. I know I need to.
I feel like I can see everything but cannot touch it.
I do hope this subsides. I need to make friends with time.
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4 comments:
Hello Simone,
Isn't this blog called 'Repeated Theme Recurring Dream'?
To my notions two messages stand out in the title,
1)'Theme' (aka Japan)
2)'Dream'
Keep reminding yourself that it's YOUR DREAM and it's YOUR JAPAN - no one can enter your dream without your approval - it's yours. Just as when you sleep and dream, you CHOOSE who you share your bed/your dreams with. If some annoying little fucker jumped into your bed and said "hey, do ya mind me taking a kip here tonight" you'd say "Fuck right off dickhead" and that's what you do with that incident that you didn't choose as part of your JAPANESE DREAM...
And no one owns any part of the world - even that part where we were born. It's for all to share. Sometimes we encounter those who neither want to share the world nor share happiness with those who inhabit the world. That's just how it is, the unfortuneate bit is that sometimes those people trespass into our happiness with the intention of creating mayhem. But that is all it is, an unfortunate event. They are sad bastards anyway, don't allow their miserable attack on happiness the power to poison.
REMEMBER! It's YOUR DREAM! It's your JAPAN - YOUR JAPANESE DREAM.
You choose who gets to shape it.
I love you, it makes me sad to read these things.
Love, Karyn xx
i agree with what you said. about time. i think if somehow we could all make friends with time our lives would be different. probably different and easier. but it so hard you know? we are only able to experience each moment at a time. it is so difficult for us to feel the expansiveness of time. we can know it exists logically, but when it comes to it we can only feel each moment as it is happening. so hard for us is it to imagine that other times will exist, and when those other times exist we will feel differently.
i hope that note made sense. i am pretty fairly drunk.
thanks for the invite simone! i hope you feel much better than before. i am so happy to get to know you in Osaka! :) wish you a wonderful day.
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