The Aftermath

I never have many words on the morning after an opening night. My heads always feels heavy and my brain goes kind of numb. It was, however, a good night, and a very large turnout.

So while words fail me, I'll talk in pictures...

Notes from the West

So... I'm in Perth.

The flight was surprisingly pleasant and time flew (pardon the pun) much faster than I thought it would. I assume half a xanax and two gin and tonics assisted in making it a good flight, but I was also fortunate enough to have noone sitting next to me, so after requesting the aisle seat at check in (in case I needed to make a quick exit), I was able to move over to the window seat without feeling confined and anxious. It's weird - I seem to get worse, or more anxious, every time I fly... You'd never believe I've traveled all the places I have when you hear me talk about how flying turns me into an anxious mess... The worst of it is the prelude to actually taking off, I think that's the most anxious time for me... I seem to calm myself down once the take off has been successful and there's no turning back - it's all out of my hands so I have to just go with the flow of the flight.

Despite the xanax kicking in fairly early, I managed to force my eyelids open long enough to watch Crazyheart. Becoming engrossed in an in-flight movie always helps me forget I'm up in the sky. I think being at the very front of the plane helped the flight feel a lot smoother too.

The taxi ride from the airport was another thing... whilst my driver was a pleasant chap, and quite chatty - asking questions about Melbourne in comparison to Perth and telling me he was originally from Bangladesh... we then moved on to talking about small bingles and larger accidents that he had had in the cab... not sure if that's the best thing to talk to your passengers about unless you want them to start feeling unsettled... either way, I contributed my five cents worth to the discussion.

The funniest or perhaps even ironic thing was that he proceeded to tell me how Perth cab drivers have to sit something similar to an exam when going for their cab licence to ensure that they know the city well enough and know the quickest routes from A to B etc... He seemed pretty comfortable with my desired destination when I first got in the cab and said 123 Hay St, Subiaco (the address of the gallery) and headed off with confidence. It turns out Hay street is MASSIVE and passes through several Perth suburbs. Of course, as someone who has never been to Perth, I had no idea of this, but after telling me he had passed his 'exam' and saying "yeah, yeah" when I told him where I wanted to go, I had assumed he might have some idea. We ended up a little lost as he and 'Tom-Tom' were in disagreement as to where we should be heading.

I ended up ringing the gallery as we were parked outside the WACCA and getting directions - we were quite a ways away from where we needed to be...

So - in a city full of one way streets, we were forced to take a much longer route than we had hoped. I had to laugh. He was a nice guy and I could tell he actually felt a little bit unsettled that he had gone the wrong way. We ended up in the tail end of peak hour traffic where he apologised to me and said he would stop the meter each time we were in traffic because he felt guilty. Bless.

We made it - finally - and he helped me carry the last of my paintings into the gallery. I think he even knocked a little more of the final meter reading, and as we parted I said "now we both know where 123 Hay Street is". Funny.

The gallery is a lovely space. It was nice to finally see the place that has been home to my work in WA for over a year now. Whilst it was good to see the show almost completely hung, it was also nice to walk away and take some time before coming back to see it all again at the opening.

I was tired when I got to my hotel room. Probably more so due to the 2 hour time difference. I though I might've enjoyed a sleep in, but despite being so tired, I still woke up on my Melbourne clock.

The weather predicts a sunny 25 degrees here in Perth today.... best get out and enjoy it!

Deliverance

The bulk of my work arrived safely in Perth today. I spoke with the gallery and was pleased to know that the works arrived unscathed. I had been concerned since letting them go off on their own in a big truck last Thursday. I was even beginning to have dreams that they had arrived completely ruined.

As carefully as I can wrap my works with bubble wrap on top of more bubble wrap, cardboard and packing tape, it is always incredibly daunting when works that you have spent hours upon hours creating are handed over to someone else in the hope that they will be handled with care and arrive safely at their destination.

I have only ever had a few minor incidents with bad handling of my work in gallery storage and in transit, but I have heard some incredibly awful stories from other artists - enough to have left me full of anxiety for the past week.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I learned they were safe and in tact.

For the Love of ART

I love painting, though sometimes I have a tumultuous emotional relationship with it... always with intensity, and, some days, I just feel like screaming in the studio.

Once I have, it's easier to work.

Tick, tick, tick...

It's just after midnight... 12:24 to be exact.

I am procrastinating. Keep painting until I can no longer keep my eyes open, then possibly not respond to my morning alarm... or go to bed now and get up at around 5am and start painting again.

Deadlines...

I'm incredibly concerned about being able to get all the work needed complete in time for the courier this week. I wish Perth was a little closer.

I used to be able to paint all through the night, into the wee hours of the morning, then all of the next day... but I need sleep a lot more now than I did back in those days. I don't function too well without it and no longer even contemplate taking any substance that may allow me to.

If only I could paint in my sleep.

Pre Show Anxiety... (here we go again).

I didn't exhibit last year, apart from having works selected in a couple of art prizes and group hangings. It had been a conscious decision, for two reasons - one was the fact that we'd bought a house and dogs and had to re assess a few things in order to make it all viable, and two, I wanted to have a break from my Melbourne gallery; actually from showing in Melbourne altogether for a while and co-incidently, my upcoming show happens to be in Perth. It will be a three woman show. I am happy about that for a number of reasons, especially as it's the first time exhibiting with this gallery - but I know I could not have completed a big enough body of work for a solo.

In fact, I am struggling to get enough done for this particular exhibition. I am happy with the work I have done, but perhaps not how many works I have completed. You can't rush some things. Deadlines are funny... for me a bit of a catch 22, whilst they push me to be productive, there is another part of my character that rebels a little to being told I have to have THIS done by THEN. I must say though, the gallery have been extremely patient and supportive of me since we first met a couple of years ago. I am grateful for that - it's a rarity these days.

I painted all day yesterday until about 4:30pm, when I just had to get out of the studio, and the house. My back was playing up from hours hunched over the canvas. I just can't do the easel thing with the sort of work I do, even tables or benches offer little comfort - I spend most of my time painting on the floor.

I went to have a massage when I left the house yesterday afternoon, it was very intense and actually quite painful but I believe it helped somewhat. I had planned to paint again when I got home but I just couldn't - or didn't. I felt exhausted - possibly more from emotional 'anxiety' rather than physical exertion. I also find it much harder painting in the evening under artificial light, though sometimes it is necessary in order to get the work done, I do much prefer painting under natural light.

Whilst out yesterday I had a bit of a 'selfish' wish enter my head. I thought to myself...
I just want to have a week where I don't work - or paint - and just sleep until I wake (with no alarm), get up when I feel like it, watch old movies like Breakfast at Tiffany's and Roman Holiday, eat pizza and drink champagne regardless of the time of day, wear whatever I am comfortable in - or nothing at all... listen to music, (whilst dancing like an idiot in my loungeroom), finish reading books I started ages ago and have not had time to pick them up again, have baths instead of showers and generally be a sloth for seven whole days.... but without it affecting reality at all, so I'd still get paid for not turning up to work, and miraculously, my paintings would still all be done in time, as would all the housework, and...
that's when I knew it was not possible. A nice thought though. Is it so wrong to desire a week for yourself and only yourself? It's not hurting anyone. Is it really 'selfish'? I know I could not do it for much longer that 7 days as I would get bored, frustrated; I'd start to crave being more productive and pro active... but just one week like that would be nice.

It's not that I don't get any time to myself now - I do - it's just that pretty much all of my spare time at the moment is spent in the studio, even on the days where I feel uninspired. I have not even had much time to write.

I love painting, I really do, and it's something that I have to do, regardless of exhibitions... but sometimes you need to stop, take a step back, a deep breath and find new inspiration before continuing... and sometimes, you just need to do NOTHING.

One thing I am incredibly thankful for is the fact that I no longer work nights (in my other job), it's definitely made for a different and far more desirable lifestyle in so many ways. Combine working nights with (also) being an artist and you have the ingredients for a somewhat solitary existence. I can't imagine going back to the old way, and can't believe I did it for so long. Only people who have spent years working nights would truly understand just how much effect it has on everything in your life - especially friendships and relationships. In a number of ways it has almost been like starting again, unfortunately, there are a few relationships that were destroyed and cannot be rebuilt - but new ones have now formed in their place - so for everything lost, something has been gained.

I have been criticised through comments on previous posts, (some which I publish, some which I don't), for being self-centred and unappreciative. I believe these comments have come from people who don't even know me, those that know me, know me and I don't even need to say any more than that. I should not have to justify anything I write here as I write for myself, and other than this paragraph, 99 percent of the time I write here not even aware that anyone else may be reading what I have to say. If I feel like writing about how I am feeling at any particular point, I will do so, no doubt there are entries that I look back on and laugh, or even wonder where the hell my head was at, but they are MY thoughts, MY feelings, MY words. If I sook about something through words on my blog, I am not comparing myself to someone with bigger, longer term problems, and I am not being unappreciative of all that I do have, I am merely keeping a journal for my OWN purposes. I repeat what I have said once or twice before, the reason I have not made it a private blog is because I have nothing to hide, because a few family members and friends have expressed curiousity and an interest in reading, and also because I really never expect it to be read and criticised by anyone who does not know me. I read blogs, a lot of them, and there have been entries I read where I think to myself - if this person was saying this to ME, I'd have this response for them - but they are not talking to me, they are blogging for themselves - so I would be hypocritical to criticise. If you don't like something someone write on their blog - DON'T KEEP READING IT.

SIMPLE!

Tribute.

Last week I finally finished the painting dedicated to my late grandfather.
It is the first of many I am sure.

You were only waiting for this moment to be free...

Time Capsule...

I've been storing my words in a safe place whilst I prepare for my upcoming exhibition in May. All my free time and creative energy is currently being projected into my painting. I feel very under prepared but am hoping it will all come together very soon.

Kitsune Girl

finally...

No Love Lost

Today would've been my Opa's 88th birthday had he not left this world last July. He comes to me as a blackbird now... at least, I like to think that is the case. I certainly think of him every time I see one.

I had one visit me at work today and it made me smile.

He loved the colour red, and today, in his honour I wore my red socks - the same pair I bought to wear to his funeral last year. He would have found that amusing.

You are still with us ol' Boris. Prost!

всегда в наших сердцах. xxx

36 Today!

Grateful to those who helped to make it a special day. X

Enter the Tiger...

Simone say(s) 'many mouths make light work of dumplings'....

Eve of the Tiger

I decided to make some spinach, sesame and ginger dumplings in honour of Chinese new years eve... and with the assistance of my little plastic dumpling or 'gyoza' press bought from the 100yen store when last in Japan, they actually turned out really well - not to mention tasty.


I plan to spend the first day of the year of the tiger in my studio painting one, (tiger).

Sunday (Studio) Session

Work in progress...

Closing Gaps...

I was recently invited to paint a Schaffas by the people at Screamdance for a great cause. My naked Schaffas arrived the other day and has been sitting in the studio anxiously awaiting it's new identity whilst I contemplate whether to make it masculine, feminine or somewhat of a hermaphrodite. Whatever I end up creating, I was thrilled to be part of the project. I have until April to return the critter and along with a number of others Schaffas that have been sent off to selected artists, the Schaffas will then be part of a group exhibition supporting Close the Gap.


I've been spending some time in the studio recently too, (which I recently cleaned out and re-arranged), making a productive start to 2010. Only two weeks now until the Year of the Tiger officially begins.

People's Choice

This afternoon I received a phone call to inform me that my painting, Food and Desire - Conflict 1, had won the People's Choice Award in the Prospect Portrait Prize at Prospect Gallery in South Australia.

Thanks to everyone who voted, and of course to Fenwicks for donating the prize money.

Also, thank you to Dustin Parker for this.

Dark Pop

My work, Kitsune - The Hunter, (pictured above), is currently part of Dark Pop 2.0 at Last Rites Gallery in New York. The exhibition can be viewed online here.

A special thanks to Andrew Michael Ford for the invitation to be part of this exhibition.

My Little Reflection

Another year.... almost over.
Another decade...almost over.
Tonight, a full blue moon will see out 2009 and welcome 2010.
The year of the Tiger. My Chinese zodiac sign.

Reflecting on 2009, on a personal level; the hardest thing this past year was watching my grandfather pass away. The easiest thing, was telling those important to me that I love them.

The smartest decision I made this year was to stop working nights.

The craziest decision, was to buy a house.

Consequently, I am happy with both.

My main regret, (and perhaps only one for this year), is not having produced enough art this year. (The two aforementioned decisions had a bit to do with this I suppose). However, I am very happy with the path my new ideas and work are taking, and grateful that I now have a proper studio to work in.


My head, of course, is much busier than this blog entry; unvoiced resolutions dance around threatening to leave me disappointed (in myself), so I keep them there. Pressure does not nurture positive actions.

Positive thinking, however, does. So I welcome 2010 with open arms... and an open mind!

On The Road... Again.

Food and Desire - Conflict 1 (above) has been selected for and is now hanging in the Prospect Portrait Prize in South Australia's Prospect Gallery.

It can be voted for it in the People's Choice Award here.

This piece was also recently a finalist in the 2009 Corangamarah Art Prize, and also, as previously posted, in the 2008 Kilgour Art Prize.

This piece is part of a body of work titled 'Food and Desire', and to me, these works tell more than just the story of my personal battle of wills. Each piece in the series explores the conflicting interests between the somewhat mundane necessity and creative passion, ( also a necessity), and how one must feed the other, as well as the frustration along the way - the 'fight' to create.

This piece visually narrates the conflict of my everyday world and the means in which I need to meet to be able to paint, as well as the NEED to paint. It also explores the mysteries and emotions of the, (my), two personas involved in this ongoing conflict.

Images...

Just a few recent shots from the studio.
A little stagnant of late but after the ebb
...comes the flow.